Armor
by domina tempore
Summary: Howard can see the layers of armor she puts on; the lies she tells to fool herself first, and the rest of them as an afterthought.


**Agent Carter: _Armor_**

_Summary: Howard can see the layers of armor she puts on; the lies she tells to fool herself first, and the rest of them as an afterthought._

_Disclaimer: Agent Carter and all of the rest of the Captain America universe are the property of Marvel, and anyone they might share it with. I'm just borrowing. No copyright infringement intended!_

_Author's Notes: I adore Peggy Carter. She stands out as particularly admirable among female characters and role models, and I have so far been terribly pleased with how she's handled._

_While I don't think that Howard Stark was ever in love with Peggy, I don't think that it's entirely outside the realm of possibility, either. At any rate, it has been interesting to explore._

_Special thanks to IuvenesCor, my favorite in all the lands, for her editing expertise! _

o

_She's beautiful, in a damaged way_, Howard thinks.

He has known Peggy Carter for a long time – longer than most people realize – and he understands this too well. In the beginning, it was different. Why should he look for flaws? Peggy was confident, hard-working, strong, and _gorgeous_; what more could he have wanted? The idea of damage had never even crossed his mind.

He knows better, now. All of the things he recognized in the beginning are still present; but as he comes to know her more closely, his understanding of the woman deepens. During the war, amid the work they do, a line is crossed. There is a definite shift from acquaintances to co-workers to something more. Howard gets to know her, respect her. He considers her a friend. (When he's hit with this it's a shock, but things are clearer than they used to be.) Still, it isn't until Steve's disappearance – _disappearance_, not _death_ because he _isn't_ _dead_ – that he truly starts to realize on a deeper level how very subtly _broken_ she is. It's like he's gone from seeing her dimly in black and white to brilliant technicolor. He can see the layers of armor she puts on. The lies she tells to fool herself, first, and the rest of them as an afterthought.

_Damn, I love her._

Not in a million years can he ever admit his feelings. He knows and has always known his boundaries where she is concerned, and he might bend and push, but he'll never break them. She means too much to him. Besides, Peg is Steve's girl. There is _some_ moral code that Howard tries deep down to live by, for goodness sake! Chasing after Peggy would break a trust with his missing friend. Howard isn't prepared to do that, but neither is he able to sit idly by and watch her pine.

After the war, he backs off. There's nothing else to be done; whatever they have together is simply not enough anymore without a common goal to unite them. Peggy certainly won't allow for anything _more_. She can't expect him to suffer of his own free will, right? So he leaves. Returns to the States and buries himself in booze and women and his work, and tries not to think about how monumentally unfair the universe has turned out to be.

It's months before they see each other again, with the exception of one party. It's a glamorous, flashy thing they're required to attend because they'd vaguely contributed to a not-so-secret project turning the war. Howard isn't keen on attending; he recalls the project being more suited for boosting the morale of a few stuffy politicians than anything useful for their boys fighting the war. From the look on her face when she arrives, he's pretty sure Peggy feels the same.

Their greetings are perfunctory, their conversation flat. Howard has a sparkling blonde on each arm (his own personal brand of armor). They are a sharp contrast to the darker, more modest figure that Peggy cuts amid the finery. She's out of place here; cheapened by the dull expectations of the men who invited her. She is by far the most attractive thing Howard has seen all night.

They don't talk long.

It's really not until the nasty business of his lab being plundered that Howard has a good excuse to see Peggy Carter again. No one believes he was _robbed_; the popular theory seems to be, "he's hiding his inventions away and selling them off to the highest bidder". Or similar nonsense. The much-publicized Stark scruples – utterly lacking – come back to bite him. But even with such accusations, it isn't until after a lengthy discussion about options with Mr. Jarvis ("If I can't trust my own butler, then who _can_ I trust?") that he seeks out Peggy's help.

_Walls_. It's the first thing he notices about her. The barriers he has watched her put in place over time are so much higher now, and thicker. She's _been_ through things, even since the war ended. It's as obvious to him as breathing. The way she dresses, the way she does her hair and her makeup _just_ so, it's all to present exactly what she wants to the rest of the world. For the rest of the world, it probably works. But he's Howard Stark, dammit! From the beginning, before Steve even, he's known her; he understands the ways she protects herself. Her appearance is a mask, a shield. It's part of what has made her so particularly effective.

This is the first thing he notices. The second is the fact that she's still so damn beautiful, everything he thinks he has under control very suddenly isn't. It takes nearly all of his willpower to remember how his – they – were never meant to work, and it _isn't_ why he's here. Any decisions regarding his relationship with Carter have long since been made. Kidding himself now will just make things more painful then they need to be.

Conversation between them flows...if not comfortably, then smoothly. It's easy to relax back into old patterns. Give and take. Theories and rumors and wild ideas. The disassembling of raw data into facts and a workable hypothesis. _This_ is the environment they're meant for, not stuffy parties or demeaning errands. This is what went missing towards the end. It makes Howard more able to love her without desiring her.

He never once questions her competence. However, it is not at all outside his morals to use what he knows about her to ensure her help. Guilt pricks his conscience, but Howard ignores it with the ease of long practice. For the sake of the bigger picture, some smaller things will have to be sacrificed. With a few of the right words aimed to the soft spots of her pride, he's able to guide Peggy to the desired outcome.

When he finally steers the little boat away from the dock, it is with an easier feeling than he'd harbored waiting behind the diner. If Peggy Carter is still even half the woman he remembers (loves) from the war, she'll be more than enough. And if there is any lingering sense of guilt about his deception, well...there isn't and there won't be. No one but Jarvis knows, and Jarvis is not a rat. Howard himself certainly isn't planning to tell the single most dangerous woman he knows that he's lied to her face.

Hopefully, she'll be too busy maintaining her own walls to go knocking down his.

_fin._

_Note: I am entirely too old to be admitting how much I'd like to be Peggy Carter. _


End file.
